– “A n u s h k a a a a…”

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“Why don’t you write something for me”, she said.

“Hmm… Yeah! I’ll write about you someday, may be the day I’ll find right words for you”, I replied.

 

I always thought to write something about her but I never got the right words to explain her. I might have thousands words for everyone, but when It comes to her I just have three – I miss her.

(Present day)

I was just scrolling my news feeds on a social networking and I just noticed an update that she got engaged. In just few seconds, millions of thought were striking to my mind and I was not able to catch any one of them. I was just so lost in the memories of all those moments that we shared together.

“Congratulation for getting engaged”, I texted her.

“Thank you”, She replied.

We had nothing to talk about as we were talking after a long time so we just moulded our conversation in a very formal way. I was not liking being formal with her and i believe neither she was liking it. We were talking about life, family, friends and everything except the thing that we both wanted to talk about. May be, It was not the right time to talk about those emotional stuffs specially when I was cheering her up for getting engaged. I was being so dramatic to cover up all those emotions and feelings that I was trying to hide from her but I guess she was smart enough to caught me so she took the initiative and asked me,”Why we got separated and why It’s not you ?”

( two years back ) 

I posted an update on facebook related to my mom as I was really missing her. People were liking my post, trying to show some sympathy but she was the only one who texted me personally saying,”Are you Okey ?”

She asked me about my post and I shared everything with her. I was feeling good to share my feelings with her and in just few hours we were talking as we know each other from years. Just like we water a plant and it grow green with time, the same way we were watering our friendship with time and it was growing stronger day by day. We both used to call each other at night, we used to talk about life, friends, family and our past as we both had bad memories of our past. 

One day we were just talking about our past and we both got lil emotional. At that moment I realized that I can’t see her sad or upset so that night I just cracked a stupid joke to make her smile and she actually smiled but she ended up saying,”You’re kutta”. 

“You are such a hot kutti”, I replied and we both started to laugh. 

Things were going so fine with us, we both wanted to go on a date someday but never had a chance to go on a date, but we used to imagine our dates in our dreamy world where we were so together. Somewhere in the middle of those conversations we both fell in love with each other. 

I remember, one day she was really upset and I was trying all possible things to pamper her but nothing worked on her. Finally I tried a different way and I started to act as I’m angry and it really worked on her. She forgot her bad mood and she started to pamper me and I was really liking it. That night we lived our fantasies in our dreamy world. We shared some beautiful moments, and we were so lost in each other that we ended up our conversation with a morning wish. 

That night changed everything between us, we started to feel something we never expected. I don’t know it was love or what but being with her started to feel more beautiful now, her conversation became like those chants for me that I’ll never forget ever in my life, everyday she was creating some new memories and I was just so scared to lose her. Somehow she was scared to lose me too and I promised her that no matter we’ll continue this relationship or not but we’ll never lose each other as friends. Each day we started to get more closer, our small conversation started to become endless ones. I used to sing for her on calls under moon light and stars, and she used to tell me her favorite songs. 

As everything that rise have to fall down, and the same happened with us. She left India and shifted to Dubai. She got involved in her family business and I got more busy with my job and studies. Those endless conversation became small ones again, those late night conversations were not the same anymore and with each day we started to move away from each other. We were still in touch but once it twice in a week and after few months it became once or twice in a month.

We were not in touch like before but whenever we used to talk we never felt those distances between us. The dream date that we both wished to have never happened in person. 

Sometime I feel what went wrong ? We car close to each other and then walked away like those waves of sea that touch the shore with all the energy and strength but even that wave can’t stick to the shore.it’s a party of sea, it always go back after touching the shore and it just leave some mark of it’s presence the same way she touched the shore of my heart, left few memories filled with love, friendship and emotions and then walked away without hurting me like others. 

People look for the beauty of a person outside in thier body, looks or dressing sense but I found the beauty of relationship, emotions and feelings in her. I never met her but the charm of her presence in my heart can’t be compensated by any other feeling. She was beautiful in her own way and she is still beautiful with her thoughts and the way she treat people. 

( Few days ago ) 

I received a random text from her, we were still talking like we used to be. We were still talking about that one day I’ll surely take her on date and she agreed.

May be I was not made for a relationship, or may be I was never good enough to handle a good relationship. She is engaged now and I lied to her that I got committed too. I don’t know why but I lied to her. 

While writing about her I just realized – “People change, feelings fade but memories remain forever.”

And she is one of those beautiful memories of my life that I’m never going to forget.

One day… may be one day I’ll meet her and we’ll have our dream date in person. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– “To let the true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart”.

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I remember, someone asked me that – What is Love ?

“Love is just a beautiful emotion that can’t be described in words, It’s a feeling that two hearts feel when they feel a mutual emotion”, I replied.

Now the question is, what If one heart feel so deep for another and another heart don’t even have any idea about the emotion ? It’s a one sided love, this is a type of love where you can’t be with another person but you have a lot of affection, care and love without even expecting anything in return. It’s a feeling where you care like anything, If something happen to another you are the first one to stand by their side. It’s a feeling where you no longer care about what another person think but you care with all your heart. It’s a feeling where you are so attached by an idea of emotions and feelings that nothing affect your feelings or emotions until your heart gets heavy by some bitter truth, and intentionally or unintentionally another heart hurt you. And… It may affect you but It won’t affect the love or feelings that you had or still have in your heart.

She was so free like the early morning rays of sun, when sun rise in the morning It’s rays just remove all the darkness from all over as soon as they reach to any dark point. When you talk to her, her words were like the cure of all sorrow and pain. Her smile was enough to cheer up any person, and when you look into her eyes you feel like to lose yourself in the depth of her eyes. You feel like to dive off in her deep eyes as they carry a lot of secrets as a sea carry some dark secrets that people aren’t aware of. We used to talk a lot, she used to tell me about the guys who proposed her or the guys who like her. Our bond was getting stronger and somehow I started to like her as the time was passing. I thought I will never tell her that even I started to have a soft corner for her because I never wanted to lose her even as a friend, but I felt that at the right or at the right moment I will be sharing my feelings with her.

She used to tell me that she is single and there is no one in her life as someone special, because she had no interest in relationship. That night, we were just talking in a group of friends and I got to know that she got committed with someone. I was quiet shocked as she used to call me her best friend and she shared nothing about it with me. I just left the group at that moment as somehow I was feeling bad for not sharing my feelings with her, because I was just scared to lose her friend. Another point, I was feeling that she was hiding things from me, but the question was why ?  I was getting angry on her for not telling me about her relationship and she was telling me that all that happened so quickly that she got no time to tell anyone. I wanted to know that how all that happened and the things that she told me were more shocking.

“I went on a night out at his place, we had our special moments and I just fell for him”, she said.

The shared the moments with someone else the same moments I wanted to share with her. I was thinking that the way I wanted to hold her hand, the way I wanted to play with hair, the way I wanted to make her smile, the way I wished to make her feel special was done by someone else. my eyes were wet but she wasn’t aware of it as we were talking on texts. I was feeling that my heart was pumping loud with the truth that I have lost her, and even the hope of having her.

“You are getting so much angry, and I know this is not as a friend… this is something else”, she said.

“Leave it, It doesn’t matter now”, I replied.

I was just trying to convince myself that may be she never felt the same the way I felt for her. My love was one sided but I believe It was much stronger than any mutual feelings that anybody had for her. She never knew and may be she will never know that what I felt for her. I wished to share some special moments with her. I wished to walk on those empty roads by holding her hand, I wanted  to see her giggle on my stupid talks as her smile was as beautiful as a rainbow after rain. May be I will never get any chance to look into her eyes and tell her that I love you.

I remember, she gave me a phrase and asked me to write on it. I never knew that I will be writing the same phrase for her. And I strongly agree… “To let the true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart”.

And now, she is carrying feelings for someone and I was carrying a heavy heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– We are friends, but you’re mine.

cartoon-love-images_-20 (1)“Let’s meet up some day”, I said.

“Yeah sure! Even I would love to meet you”, she said with a heart emoji.

It’s been more than two years knowing her, and I remember that we met through a social networking through a common friend. slowly my conversation became more with her and we both started to make time to talk. Our endless conversation at night were beautiful enough to make us feel that this friendship will never come to an end. We used to share conversation about each other, about us, and about our likes or dislikes. I guess, she started to have some feelings for me as I was feeling the same. Her voice on calls became my favourite voice, and her presence in my life gave me enough reasons to smile.

I remember, our friendship went through a lot of up and down moments but every time we came out stronger than ever before. I never met her but still she is the one who were so close to me. Sometimes, I used to feel that she like me as I was feeling the same, and It was not willingly done, It just happened.

Finally, the day came when we are about to meet each other for the first time after a long friendship. I was so conscious that how we both gonna react when we will see each other for the first time, and I wanted to dress well too as people say,”first impression is the last impression”. I am the type of guy who don’t like to wait for people, but that morning I reached before her. I don’t know why ? May be I wanted to see her reactions of seeing me first. I was waiting for her outside the metro station and I was so terrified, my heart was beating faster and somehow I was so happy inside as finally I was meeting her.

Finally, she came and we looked at each other with a smile on our face. Her lips were making the beautiful curves, her eyes were beautiful and when looked into her eyes, It was the moment that the colour of her eyes became my new favourite colour. She was wearing Indian wear, and she was looking so beautiful without any make up on her face. She came close to me and we just cuddled each other saying,”Hey”.

As we planned we went a nearest place which is quiet popular for some good crowd. We started to share some silly conversation just to make each other feel comfortable. While talking we were looking into each other’s eyes and i was loving seeing her blushing because I was looking at her. In just few minutes, we were so comfortable as we met a thousand times before, we both were complimenting each other for different things, and we both were smiling every time we were staring at each other. We thought to click some pictures together and while clicking pictures I was loving holding her in my arms. As my hands reached her waist, I felt as I am touching the perfect curves. I held her hand while walking together and I felt that her hands were so perfect to fill that space between my fingers. And after spending some good time together we thought to leave…

I asked her to go with her to the nearest metro station to her place. I wanted to go with her as somehow I was being caring for her though I really care for her. We were in the metro and standing in front of each other holding hands, she  was blushing and smiling every time I was looking into her eyes. We reached the nearest metro station to her place and we planned to talk there for sometime. I was liking that silence at that metro station as very less people were roaming around and we both were feeling the peace in that environment.

“Why are you standing so far”, I asked her.

“I don’t know, may be you should come closer”, she replied.

We just held each other’s hands, we came closer and we just kissed. I wanted to freeze that moment as her sentences were icebergs, with just the tip of her thought coming out of her mouth, and the rest kept up in her head, which I was starting to think was more and more beautiful the longer I looked at her. We cuddled each other and we left…

while going back to home I texted her,”We are best friends, but you’re mine”.

And again she replied with a heart emoji.

-And she is so like me.

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I was just waiting for the cab outside my office as It was Sunday and I was just thinking about to reach my home as soon as possible, but as always my cab was not on time. I thought to lit up one more cigarette and a bunch of thoughts started to hit my mind. Usually on Sunday I have few plans but I was so free today. I just lit up the cigarette and I felt my phone was vibrating as I usually keep my phone on vibration mode. I received a call, and finally It was my cab guy saying,”Cab is about to come in a couple of minutes”.

Sunday is all about chilling or spending time with friends, but I just wanted to spend my day lying on bed under my warm blanket. I don’t know why I was not feeling sleepy so I just picked up my phone to check texts or notification on my social networking accounts. I was just going through my timeline on one of my social networking account and I just noticed a status update by someone – Like my status for TBH(TBH-To be honest). I just thought to hit like as I wanted to know what someone gonna write about me, even everybody like to know what people think of them. And I just a received a notification about the same, the same girl posted on my timeline,”TBH- I don’t know you much”.

And I remember, she is the one I used to stalk few days ago. Her post wasn’t a happy thing for me. I was bored so I started to check her pictures and I just felt that she is really cute, even seeing her smile in her pictures was enough to make me smile. I must say,”Her smile was one of the beautiful smile I’ve ever noticed, her lips were making perfect curves and her dimples were cute enough to express the beautiful expressions on her face. I was just stalking her pictures, liking them and posting some cute comments without even caring that she is gonna notice them. I noticed few more notifications and It was she replying for my each comments with a smile or heart emoji, and I was loving it.

I really wanted to start a conversation with her, and by ignoring my ego I texted her first and her reply was so quick as she was just waiting for a conversation too. We both started with lil introduction and our conversation was going as she wanted to know me as I was willing for her. I was so lost in my conversation with her that I just felt that losing my sleep isn’t gonna cost me anything. We both were liking it, and I just told her that I have been stalking her from couple of days and her smile is really beautiful. I believe complimenting personally sound better as It express you are really honest with your words. We had a conversation that lasted for hours, we both were appreciating each other, we were being so comfortable with each other as we know each other from years. Finally, the conversation ended as my phone’s battery was about to die and I was really cursing my phone for spoiling the happy feeling that I had while talking to her.

It was almost 10:00PM at clock and I finished my dinner in hurry as I knew that she will be online at night and may be we will continue the conversation that left incomplete in the morning. And now I really wanted to make it more comfortable so I just charged my phone’s battery well. I texted her and her reply was so quick again, I really like people who reply quickly as I feel they are the people worth talking and the people who hold good & long conversation. From likes to dislikes, from nicknames to our funny names, and the thoughts about love and relationship we were sharing each and everything. The time was passing and we were so lost in talking to each other without even caring that It’s almost 2:00AM. As the night was passing we were feeling so comfortable talking to each other. I shared my thoughts about love and relationship I was feeling as I am talking to myself as our feelings were so mutual and our thoughts were like as two mind working as one. Those thoughts made us more closer, and she just became so special to me. I must say,”She is the sweetest girl I’ve ever come across, and she is so like me”.

 

– Some random thoughts.

And I thought of writing something on my personal experience, most probably on things that happened and I am pretty sure that it’s everyone’s story. I know there are a few things people don’t care about when they are in a relation it’s just not about the typical girlfriend boyfriend relation, it’s about every relation that people think is worth caring for. I’ve never seen much of love in my life but when it comes to my friends I guess they are the only people who care. Life is hard, admit it everybody. We can’t spend it as if we are deaf and we don’t care what people say, everything that you don’t care about may hurt you somewhat somewhere in your life. When you love someone, don’t ask for love in return that never happens or may be it does but most of the times you have to be strong and admit that people not loving you back were just meant to be the way they are. Memories would strike you time to time but they won’t stop you from moving on so just be yourself and let the past be your yesterday and the present be your master. Loving too much could hurt you, and hating too much could hurt others there is no better option than having a moderate option of loving those who deserve and hating none. Trust can do it all, never lose it not in yourself not in people who love you.

– The unseen truth of musician’s life.

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Singers and musicians are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a life time. Every day, they face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get a real jobs, and their own fear that they’ll never work again. Every day, they have to ignore the possibility that the vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every note, they stretch themselves, emotionally and physically, risking criticism and judgement. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people of their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life- the Car, the Family, the House, the nest egg. Why ? Because singers and musicians are willing to give their entire lives to a moment- to that melody, that lyrics, that chord or that onterpretation that will stir the audience’s soul. Singers and musicians are beings who have tasted life’s nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another’s jeart. In that instant, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own jearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes.

– Save the girl child, respect girls.

She’s waiting to open her eyes and be a part of this world. She doesn’t have any demands, She just wants to be welcomed like everyone else is. She just wants to see her mom smiling when she’s in her arms. She just wants a part of your love and affection. She doesn’t know anything about the new world she’s gonna enter, She doesn’t even have a proper thinking and working mechanism to think or act upon the things happening to her. She’s happy. But others are not.

Why? Just because she’s a GIRL?
Is that even her mistake? Why is that little princess killed before even looking at her mom? Did she harm anyone? Did she ask for something huge? What excuse do you all have for not letting her be a part of this world? NOTHING.
She has the RIGHT to live, like any HE would have!
Why are some people still tangled within old convictions? Girls should be considered equal, or maybe, superior than the boys! Don’t be a damn LOSER. Change your thinking, your views. you say you’re modern? You go out wearing jeans and skirts and say you’re fuckin’ MODERN? Dude, your appearance doesn’t make you ‘modern’ your THINKING does. She deserves to be a part of all of us. She deserves to be loved, not hated. She deserves to be respected, not raped. She deserves to live, not to be killed. She’s a GIRL. She’ll be a daughter, a sister, a wife and even a MOTHER one day. Yes, she’s a girl, and she’s PROUD of it. :’)